If You Hate Yourself, Please Read This (A Psychologist’s Insights)
I hear you, and I can feel the weight in your expression. This feeling of self-hate lives within many of us, not because we are flawed, but because it is a powerful emotion trying to point toward something inside us that feels unmet. Often, hate is a misguided attempt to protect ourselves from pain, or a harsh demand for perfection that no human can meet.
I invite you to sit with this feeling right here, holding space for that pain.
How Self-Hate Feels So Heavy?
It is exhausting, isn’t it? To wake up every day and feel like you are at war with your own reflection.
When we feel this deeply, it becomes easy to believe that the hate is the truth. We start believing that we are broken, or that we are simply unlovable.
I can understand how heavy it feels to look at yourself and see only reasons to reject yourself.
When self-hate speaks this loudly, it feels like love is something meant for others, not for you. This kind of pain does not come from nowhere. It comes from carrying too much for too long, and carrying it alone.
A human feels self-hate not because they are bad, but because somewhere along the way they learned to measure their worth through mistakes, rejections, or unmet expectations. Love felt conditional, so the mind concluded, “Maybe I am the problem.”
That conclusion hurts. And it is important to understand that this is a learned response, not necessarily the truth.
The "Strict Teacher" in Your Head
Imagine a strict teacher who yells at a student because they are terrified the student will fail. In a similar way, your mind may be shouting at you, criticizing you, and withholding love because it believes, “If I am not hard on myself, I will never be perfect, and then no one will love me.”
I want you to see something gently. Before anyone else could hurt you, you learned to hurt yourself in the name of protection.
This kind of self-hate is intense, charged, and heavy. It usually points to a place inside us that is aching for change, care, and understanding. But instead of offering that care, we place pressure on ourselves to perform. When things do not go our way, life begins to feel even more uneasy and heavy. This self-hate is stored pain asking to be seen, not a verdict on your worth.
Love Is a Need, Not a Reward
So when it comes to deserving love, love is not a reward for being perfect. Love is a basic human need, like breath. When we do not receive it consistently, the mind starts believing it must be earned. But love does not work like marks on an exam paper. Even on your most confused, broken days, you are still human. And a human deserves love.
How to Call a Truce (A Simple Exercise)
You cannot bully yourself into healing. So let us try a very small, soft step. We will not force self-love just yet. Let us aim for a simple truce.
Consider this as a conversation with yourself:
Place a hand over your heart, close your eyes, and whisper this:
“Dear myself, I know you were trying to protect me. I know you are tired. I am sorry I have been so harsh with you. Even if I cannot love you fully today, I am willing to stop fighting you, because you were doing everything you could to help me survive. I acknowledge that now, and I am grateful.”
You do not have to love yourself immediately. That is too much pressure.
For now, just stop abandoning yourself. Sit beside yourself. That is where love begins.
You have expressed something very real today, and that itself tells me there is a part of you that still hopes. Let us work with that part of you.
Note: If this feeling of self-hate feels overwhelming or unsafe, please reach out to a professional or a support line because you deserve to seek support.
Your Psychologist,
Ambidextrous Anmol
P.S. If you are seeking support on your journey towards emotional & overall well-being, or if you need someone to help you navigate this truce, I am just a 'Hi' away from connecting with me on expresstoanmol@gmail.com. We can have a 1:1 counseling session to help you process these uneasy emotions :)
Did you feel heard?
I’d love to know how this post made you feel – and if there’s something I could do better, please let me know.
