If you are not expressing, you are storing it, and that gets heavy! -Anmol
Nature doesn’t say no to change; it adapts itself according to the requirements.
Whenever the environment changes around us, we modify our behaviors accordingly. When winter comes, we start wearing woolen clothes.
Do we modify our behaviors when we face adverse situations?
Yes, we do—especially our body, which gets into fight/flight/freeze modes.
Sometimes, we either face the situation and bear its consequences, or we fly away from it.
Both could be right, depending on the demands of the situation and our ability to deal with it.
You know what? We can always improve. If you were not able to face the situation at that point in time, if flying away from it was the best option you chose for yourself… it’s okay.
It’s okay if we feel we won’t be able to handle the situation. It’s okay to fly away from it. But note one thing—it’s not okay to do that every time or most of the time.
We can always improve. We can always work on ourselves. It is completely our choice, completely in our hands. You can always take help if you want to. The point is, we shall not limit ourselves. We shall keep progressing and keep improving—because that’s what life is!
We all experience emotions. Yes, the intensity varies from situation to situation and person to person. We are social human beings. Social and emotional connections are an integral part of our neurological and chemical makeup.
Now, we all have our own methods and processes to regulate and manage emotions.
Just as we regulate our body temperature through behavioral modifications, we can also regulate our emotions.
Regulating and managing our emotions is not very hard. We all have been doing it in some way or another—either in a healthy way or in a not-so-healthy way.
Let’s take an example to understand what happens if you don’t adapt according to the requirement.
Let’s say winter arrives, but you don’t start wearing woolens. Now, you are out for some reason—and that too in the early morning!
Cold winds are blowing. You experience chilliness. Your hands feel frosty. The wind passing through your ears gives you a freezing sensation. If you still don’t modify your behavior to adapt to the situation, your body (physiology) will take charge.
You would experience:
Shivering – to generate heat
Vasoconstriction – to minimize heat loss
Thermogenesis – to produce heat within tissues and raise body temperature
Your body does all this to help you survive in that environment.
Note: Whenever the body takes charge, you are not initially in active control.
This is how our physiology regulates body temperature.
You know what? Our physiology also helps us regulate our emotions.
The downside is that when we let physiology take charge of emotional regulation, we are not in much control—at least not initially.
So, it’s always better to manage and regulate our emotions consciously!
When we were kids, nobody taught us how to express what we felt.
We used to cry, we used to laugh, we used to be sad, we used to be angry… and then we used to express ourselves.
What about now?
For a moment, just imagine you are the parent of a newborn, and that newborn doesn’t cry, doesn’t laugh, doesn’t express anything!
In any way, would you be able to know what that newborn needs?
Mothers are incredible. They can understand the needs of a newborn.
Do you know how mothers figure it out?
The baby’s cry.
A newborn doesn’t know any language, doesn’t know how to express his or her needs—the cry does it all.
In fact, over time, the baby learns how to cry in a way that helps others understand what he or she needs. If the baby wants immediate attention, a soft cry won’t work—a strong cry is needed!
Nobody teaches this to a baby, yet they learn it through experience.
Now, coming back to us—
We are the ones who understand and use language.
We are the ones who can express what we need, what we feel.
But do we always? At least, usually?
When we don’t express our thoughts or desires, we start repressing or suppressing them, allowing our physiology to take charge of managing them.
Our body is miraculous. If you consciously don’t express, your body takes over the expression for you.
Do you wonder how?
Let’s see how:
The bearded man tried so hard to control his anger.
He put in a lot of effort to not express it, and he succeeded—
But only in terms of not expressing it verbally!
When his boss was yelling at him, he clenched his fists—
A very normal bodily response to anger.
The slamming of the door—you’ve probably seen this happen often.
Maybe, unintentionally, you’ve done it too.
At times, when we are angry, we throw things, destroy them…
By doing so, we release our anger, and afterward, we feel relieved.
But soon after, other emotions join the party.
And now, the task isn’t just handling anger,
It’s about managing and regulating all those emotions.
We’ll discuss how to do that very soon.
Coming back to the bearded man—
He didn’t slam the door intentionally; it just happened.
He was stepping on the stairs with heavy steps—
That wasn’t intentional either.
He was typing so hard that the sound of the keyboard disturbed his colleague—
And this too wasn’t intentional!
We try to control our emotions and feelings.
Whenever you feel you have succeeded in doing so,
Remember “The Bearded Man.”
How can you control something that governs you?
You can manage it.
You can influence it.
But don’t be like The Bearded Man.
Conscious Expressing is Important!
If you don’t express yourself consciously,
Then your physiology will take charge of expressing it for you.
That’s exactly what happened with The Bearded Man.
It’s very important to understand what we are going through.
Start listening to your body—
This is the first step to becoming aware of your experiences.
Describe What You Are Feeling.
Expand your vocabulary.
If you lose something important to you and say:
“I’m in depression.”
Think again.
Maybe you’re grieving.
Grieving is the process of emotional and life adjustments after a loss.
We use words like depression so casually—
Often without truly understanding what they mean.
Depression is not just sadness!
When we lack the right words to describe our emotions,
We not only confuse others, but also ourselves.
This self-doubt can stop us from seeking the right help at the right time,
Which only makes things worse.
Try not to say “I don’t know” when describing your emotions.
“Sometimes ‘I don’t know’ is the best description for a particular situation, but that’s not the whole.”— Anmol
If you don’t know what you are feeling, then who would?
Somewhere, deep down, you do know what you are going through.
Start observing and listening to your body.
Expand your vocabulary so you can describe your emotions.
This will help you manage and regulate them better.
Take Charge & Start Expressing Yourself Consciously.
Now, because of The Bearded Man,
You know that you will express your emotions—
Either consciously, by choice,
Or unconsciously, through your body.
And when your body (physiology) takes charge,
You are not in full control initially.
Let’s also discuss a bit about the storing of emotions…
“The Bearded Man” thinks he controlled his anger—
That he didn’t let his emotions out.
But we know what really happened.
We know how his body expressed those emotions for him.
While he believed he was in control,
He hadn’t yet expressed anything consciously.
He was only suppressing it—
Forcibly storing it inside himself.
We’ve all done this at some point in life—
Bottling up our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
But in doing so, we are only complicating things.
Whenever we bottle things up, it’s never easy.
We apply a lot of pressure to push those thoughts, feelings, and emotions deep inside.
And once we’ve done it, we might feel relieved—
But only for a while.
Because what we try to suppress will come out eventually—
Maybe with the same force we used to push it down…
Or even stronger, depending on when and how it resurfaces.
Even in our wildest nightmares, we wouldn’t want to be in a situation
where everything we’ve bottled up comes rushing out at once,
leaving us struggling to handle it all.
So why not start expressing ourselves now?
You don’t need to say everything at once.
Just start with one thing.
Always remember:
“If you’re not expressing,
you’re storing it…
and that gets heavy!”
— Anmol
Working on your mental and emotional health will never let you down.
You’ll always be a better version of yourself than you were before. 😊
And if this message resonated with you,
thank the person who shared it—
and pass it on to someone who might need it too 😇
Your Psychologist,
Ambidextrous Anmol
Did you feel heard?
I’d love to know how this post made you feel – and if there’s something I could do better, please let me know.
